I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
