I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
