Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
