Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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