I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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