I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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