Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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