You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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