they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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