Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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