it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
