this beer tastes like vomit already
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
