If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i think i just lost a toe
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize