I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
