Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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