for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
