The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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