I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
