I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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