i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My cat gives me a boner
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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