why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
