i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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