The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This girl is more easily done than said...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
