That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
