We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
