is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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