Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
