Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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