I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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