That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
