Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
