Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
