My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
