She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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