Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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