Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
