she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize