everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
