Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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