Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
