that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
