I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she looked like the before picture.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
