I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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