Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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