His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
