I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
