...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
