Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
jump out the window naked night went bad
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
