I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
