i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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