I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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