found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
