I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
