You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
