I skipped work to stalk him.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
