Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
