Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
