I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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