Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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