The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
