i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
