Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
