thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
