I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
