Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You pole danced in your parka.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
