I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize