I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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