I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
