He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
