I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
